An E-Portfolio

               The inside was dark. Was I wrong to think an ancient Buddhist temple would be luminous and full of ethereal light? I knelt down and removed my rucksack, my hands shakily trying to unclip the lantern from its strap. The electricity promptly eased my nerves as I spun around to investigate the abandoned temple. It had been just before sunset when I arrived, but now there was no definitive indication of time. I didn’t worry – I had my camping gear and felt prepared. My legs were tired from the six-mile hike up Shuxing Mountain, but not tired enough to rest now. I had shock and adrenaline running through my veins. The dimness of the lantern only permitted me to see shapes, so I had to get up close to see details. There was a stone pedestal in front of me, on which a tall obelisk with Sanskrit lettering stood. While I could not translate the words, I did realize how tall the ceilings were in order to house such an artifact. I cursed myself for not arriving earlier to see the temple’s beauty in the light of day.
 

            On my last birthday, I mysteriously received a booklet in the mail about the majestic ruins of Kai Mukti Temple atop Shuxing Mountain. The booklet had no return address, and was completely unsolicited. I opened it to find stories about two young women who had seen the temple by themselves, but could not find it when they returned with other people. Apparently, a hiker had discovered it back in the early seventies, and when she returned with her husband the next week, it was gone. Twenty-five years later, a fighter pilot picked up a strange signal from the temple on her radar. She flew over and saw the beautiful ruins, but once she brought her commander back to search, the temple had again disappeared. They knew it was the right location because they had mapped the coordinates, and were confounded to find something so grand completely vanished. I myself had been so intrigued: While slightly cryptic, I couldn’t help but think that the booklet was nothing short of a prophesy. I decided to travel to Shuxing Mountain out of pure curiosity, as I liked hiking, mountains, and the Buddha had always been a grand teacher of mine. In fact, I had been a follower for most of my life. I meditated and volunteered at a local Buddhist temple every week, and was currently studying Thailand’s inadequacy of knowledge surrounding female menstruation and hygiene for my Master’s thesis. Ironically, there had been no better time to travel there; I could research Kai Mukti Temple and my essay. Two months after my birthday, I boarded a plane with a little over 100,000 baht, my camping rucksack, and an open mind.
 

            After twenty-four hours of traveling, and another ten of curbing jetlag, I stopped for tea before the hike up Shuxing Mountain. There was a quaint teahouse down the most welcoming path lined with cherry blossom trees and symphonic birds. I entered and sat across a woman with inquisitive eyes.

          “I have been up mountain many time,” she said in broken English. I had not even spoken yet, but she examined my rucksack and made her deduction about me.

         “I never see temple, but I know one woman who see it,” she continued.

            “Really? That’s interesting. Is she here? May I speak with her?” I asked.

            “No, grandmother die many years ago. Become very sick.” She cast her eyes down in lament.

            “Your grandmother saw the temple? Was she who found it fifty years ago?” I was captivated.

            “Yes. I never meet her, but family says she not talk much about temple. They says she want to keep it in her soul.”

            I immediately felt connected to the woman’s grandmother. I had always told my own friends I wanted to ‘keep it in my soul’ when they asked about the more intimate details of my life.

            “Fascinating…” I said. “I can understand that completely. Well I am hiking up there today. I am not really sure what to expect.”

            “Many tourist come to find temple. All leave disappointed...Maybe temple show for you. Something in your eyes different from other tourist.” She looked at me deeply before smiling and getting up to walk away.

           “Well it was very interesting to meet you. Thank you for sharing,” I said.

            “Ok, good fortune on journey,” she replied sweetly.

              I was left wondering, and wanting nothing but answers. With that, I drained my cup of tea, loaded my rucksack, and left the teahouse.

           

            After hiking up the mountain, and taking more time than anticipated, I was utterly astounded to see the temple. It did exist for me, and it was exquisite. I tossed aside the long skinny branch I had used as a walking stick, and ran towards the massive set of stairs that led to an enchanting archway. Vines with dying lilies had fused themselves to the fortification, and were blooming out of the cracks in the walls – a stunning balance of growth and destruction. The enormous waterfall raging loudly from the right side of the mountain made everything seem larger than life, and the skies had turned into a shocking brew of pink and orange, which then faded into a divine peachy hue. I climbed the stairs slowly, making sure to take a mental panorama of the heavenly wonderland. I passed through the archway and came to a courtyard, where a mammoth stone Buddha stood guard. His eyes closed, and his hand held out in Vitarka mudra, the spiritual hand gesture symbolizing teaching and discussion. Directly behind the statue was a wide chamber door serving as an entrance to the actual temple. I pushed on the door, but it didn’t budge. It wasn’t locked, just stuck in place. It had been obvious that some time passed since anyone last came. I refocused my energy and tried again. The door creaked open, and I found myself in complete darkness. After grabbing my lantern, I slapped my hand on the wet concrete of the obelisk in front of me. Tracing my fingers along the foreign Sanskrit writing, I wondered what message it held and who wrote it. A strange calm enveloped me, which I thought was odd. It was not like me to be particularly at ease while alone in a dark, deserted, and seemingly phantom temple. Nevertheless, I had traveled all this way, and remarkably discovered exactly what I wanted to. Being brave was my duty.

            Clutching the lantern, I swung it around a few times to test its durability in case it was to double as weaponry against a panther…or a ghost monk? I could not believe I was saying that. There was another chamber door in the back corner, which I approached with caution. I could hear the crunch of rocks under my feet. This door was easier to open, and I entered into a long hall. A window let in the soft glow of moonlight, but I kept my lantern on. Tapestries and ornate rugs filled the area, and another Buddha sat in front of the window. It was much smaller than the one at the entrance, and plated in gold instead of stone. Dazzling lotus flowers and marigolds encircled the feet. I walked towards the Buddha and became stunned at how beautifully the moonlight reflected off its golden head, causing a warm shimmering halo. At this point, I flicked off the lantern and became entranced by the natural incandescence.

            “You have arrived.” A voice resounded from behind, which caused my throat to tighten. I tried to respond but couldn’t.

            “Please do not panic. I am your guide here. Thank you so much for following your spirit back home,” said the voice. I tried to turn the lantern back on, but the battery must have died. Instead, I readied it as a weapon.

            “Ok, I am not sure what is going on, but I have a weapon,” I stated, though it was an empty threat, and I never intended to fight. I was very enthralled.

            “Beautiful Analeigh, I trust you won’t hurt me. I have known you for many incarnations.”

            “You know my name…This must be a dream,” I laughed nervously and sat down, suddenly overwhelmed by everything. Did I really travel across the world to chase an enchanted temple, actually discover it, and now discuss life with a phantasmal monk who claims to remember me from my past lives? I tried to think back to my hike, and considered the possibility of ingesting hallucinogenic berries, or passing out from dehydration and dreaming all of this up.

            “I know it is shocking. You have the same reaction every time you arrive,” said the voice with a slight chuckle. “You see, you are the same soul that comes back, just in different bodies.”

            I tried to wrap my head around it. I believed in the Buddhist idea of reincarnation, so that wasn’t so far-fetched, but I just never really considered the cross-over of my past lives into my current life.

            “Please Analeigh, come with me, and I will tell you everything you want to know.”

             I could only make out the obscure shape of flowing robes and a bald head, but I followed my guide towards the moonlight.

             “I am Sarnath. I am so honored to meet you in this life,” the voice said. Sarnath lit a candle, illuminating the room and revealing his countenance. Immediately he personified, with a name and a face. I had seen that visage many times in my dreams. I shuddered at the realization.

            “Sarnath.” I dissected the name. “Sarnath is the place where the Buddha gave his first teachings. It is located in India,” I said, as if answering a question in history class.

            “That is true. I was born there thousands of years ago,” he said. “Now Analeigh, it was your twenty-fifth birthday recently, correct?”

            “Yes, two months ago today actually. I came here because I got a booklet in the mail about Kai Mukti Temple. Why was it sent to me?” I asked eagerly.

            “That is a question with many facets to its answer,” Sarnath said proverbially.

            “Fifty years ago, a woman named Anagami climbed to the top of Shuxing Mountain to meditate,” he started. “Much to her astonishment, she found Kai Mukti Temple, but did not go past the large stone Buddha at the entrance. Never hearing anything about the temple, Anagami was scared to go any further, and decided to return the following week with her husband. When she and her husband hiked back up the mountain, the temple was nowhere to be found. Months passed, and Anagami came back to Kai Mukti alone. She was relieved to see the temple again, and made it into the Golden Moonlight Room, which is where you and I just met. There, I tried to communicate with her, but again she became frightened and ran away. Unfortunately, she became very ill after childbirth, and passed away later that year before returning to the temple. Her bloodline was able to continue, which is how you met her granddaughter at the teahouse, but Anagami’s soul went on to inhabit Anastasia, the fighter pilot who found the temple on her radar. You see, Anagami died at the exact moment that Anastasia was born.” Sarnath looked at me with uncertainty. “Are you following, dear Analeigh?”

            “Well, I think so. I do believe in the idea of reincarnation. Anagami became Anastasia, and so Anastasia must have died at the exact moment that I was born, and then became me,” I said. “But what does all this have to do with me turning twenty-five? Also, does finding this place mean that my soul is ready to inhabit some other Ana person?” I felt puzzled, and tried to compose my thoughts.

            “Yes, your soul inhabited Anastasia before becoming you, Analeigh. That is why you can see Kai Mukti Temple just like Anagami and Anastasia did. The soul that has resided in each of you allows you the power to see it. On your twenty-fifth birthday, that power becomes activated, and Kai Mukti Temple finds its way to you,” Sarnath answered. His hand reached out and lightly brushed my cheek, sending a spark of energy through my body.  

            “Where was our soul before inhabiting Anagami?” I asked.

            “Before Anagami, your soul resided in an ape! The last animal reincarnation before becoming human,” he replied.

              I couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s amazing!” I said, before remembering my more daunting question.

             “Sarnath, you still haven’t addressed whether or not I am going to die soon,” I said anxiously.

             “Analeigh, there is nothing to fret. The current year is 2020,” he said, as if expecting me to know what that meant.

            “Yes, the year is 2020…” I repeated. “Does that mean the world is going to end or something?”

            Sarnath smiled and exposed an unbelievable gleam of white teeth. “Actually quite the opposite,” he said. “It is the year of salvation.”

            “That sounds promising!” I exclaimed, myself now smiling thanks to his infective grin.

            “It has been written in the stars for numerous millennia: 2020 is the year that your soul attains the necessary knowledge in order for it to reach enlightenment, and to finish reincarnating. Analeigh, you have the complete potential to reach Nirvana!” Sarnath was in a full-blown fit of laughter.

            “Sarnath, I’m sorry, but what is so funny? I feel as though this is a serious matter,” I said.

            “My beloved, I am not laughing at you. I am just so ecstatic that you are reaching self-actualization. In each of our incarnations, we are drawn back to what and whom we love. You had the instinct to find yourself, and you followed it here, just as Anagami and Anastasia did. Because of their desire to self-actualize, they acquired knowledge over their lifetimes, which accumulated into the knowledge that you have now. You have everything you need to know because of your past lives and your soul’s consistent ambition to reach enlightenment,” said Sarnath.

            “Wow…Sarnath…I am honestly speechless. What a blessing this is,” I said. My eyes blinked in disbelief.

            “Analeigh, you must take what you have learned here, and never forget it. Use this experience as your life’s vision. This does not mean you are enlightened in this moment. You still have lots of work to do. Moreover, it will be up to your soul at the end of its life to decide if it is ready to end its cycle of reincarnations. All you can do in this life is continue fervently down your path towards self-discovery. You have made vast strides already.”

            “I absolutely will,” I muttered. “I promise to exemplify what I have learned with every ounce of my being. This has been more special than I could have possibly imagined.”

            “You are on a right and positive path, forged in love and grace,” Sarnath continued. “Both good and bad things will still happen in your life, as you may not have the light without darkness, but you must remember that tribulations are vital to learning lessons. Just continue to listen to your heart, and be a humble person,” he concluded. I thought about what a sagacious entity he was.

            “Sarnath, I am so grateful for you. I feel like I need time to process. I do have one more question though,” I paused. “Is this place a figment of my imagination?”

            “Everything is a figment of your imagination, Analeigh. Love is the only thing that exists, and it is not even tangible!” Sarnath said, his body started to evanesce.

            “Sarnath!” I yelled. “Where are you going?”

            “Look within,” he sung, before fading into the ether.

             I was alone in the dusky room. The candle was dying, and I felt inundated with exhaustion. Before I got too deep into my thought processing, I grabbed the candle and found my way back to the entrance of the temple. I walked to a nearby cave and unloaded the camping gear from my rucksack. I drowsily pitched my tent, ate a granola bar, and climbed in my sleeping bag, wondering if I was going to leave a dream instead of enter one.

 

            I awoke to a gloriously bright morning and various chirping birds. I climbed out of the tent and briskly walked around the bend to see if the temple was still there, but all evidence of it had absconded. I knew that my emprise yesterday was in fact real, and that Sarnath existed in some dimension, but I still needed time to interpret the experience. I decided to pack up camp and return down the mountain.

            A few hours later, I was voraciously hungry, and entered the same teahouse from the day before. My eyes scanned the room expectantly for Anagami’s granddaughter, but it was just a sea of unfamiliar faces. I sat on the outside patio this time, and ordered a hibiscus flavored tea. Cherry blossoms fluttered down serenely from the trees. I grabbed my journal from the rucksack, and flipped past the research notes for my essay. Instead, I scribbled hastily on a fresh page my memories of Sarnath and his counsel. I wrote about what the temple looked, and even smelled like. I wrote about the mystifying obelisk and Golden Moonlight Room. Lastly, I wrote what I could remember of the advice Sarnath bequeathed to me. I recalled how he reassured me that no matter what path I end up taking in life, it was the path meant for me the whole time. Goosebumps illustrated themselves along my arms and legs as I thought about this profound insight. Just that realization alone created a sense of peace within me: That no matter what life offers me, I will always make it through, because it was destined to be a piece of my journey all along.

            Completely lost in another plane of thought, I hadn’t realized someone was peeking at my notes from behind me until they said something.

            “Hello?” It was a female’s voice. I swung myself around to see the face of Anagami’s granddaughter.

            “Oh, hello! How wonderful to see you again!” I said, and before I could say anything else, she blurted, “You see temple! I know it from beginning!”

            “Yes,” I laughed, “I did see the temple. It was wonderful. Would you like to hear about it?” I thought back, and Sarnath didn’t say anything about keeping the place a secret. That was up to my volition.

            “Please. I would like very much. What is your name?”

            “Analeigh,” I replied. “What’s yours?”

            “Anagami. But I like be called Mimi,” she said.

            “You have your grandmother’s name, how very nice! I think it’s a beautiful name,” I said.

            “Khob khun ka,” she said, her eyes twinkling. “That mean thank you.”

            “Please Mimi, sit, and order some tea. I will tell you about the temple.” I smiled and began my tale.

 

            After two pots of hibiscus tea and a piece of steak and onion pie, I finished my saga, and looked at Mimi with hesitation. Even though I had the soul of her grandmother, I still didn’t know Mimi as a person, or where her spiritual beliefs lay. I wasn’t quite sure how she might react to such an outlandish account.

            “Oh my…” she started. “That is most crazy story I ever hear. I don’t know how to say,” she said.

            “You mean you don’t know what to say?” I asked.

            “Yes, I don’t know what to say. That is big honor,” she said.

            “Trust me, I know. I am still digesting it all.”

            She looked into my eyes and I could see she might cry.

            “Grandmother. That you,” she said, a tear escaping.

            “Well, I am still me, Analeigh, but yes – I guess Anagami is in here too. In some form,” I added.

            I reached out to hug her, and she embraced me warmly. It felt strangely familiar. At that point, I realized that Mimi and I could only speak so much due to the language barrier, but the hug was able to fill the gaps of words left unsaid.

            I could see that Mimi was processing the whole situation in her own way, so I decided to change the subject to the present.

            “So, Mimi, what do you do for work?” I asked.

            “I am professor at university in Bangkok. I teach class on woman studies,” she said.

            “You teach a class on women’s studies? Are you joking?”

            “No,” said a confused Mimi.

            “Mimi, half the reason I am in Thailand is to do research for my thesis essay on women, and their lack of accessible health knowledge,” I said with loads of excitement. “Do you know how much help you could be to me?”

            “Oh Analeigh,” her accent gave an interesting twist to my name. “The fates have bring us together.”

            “Would you be willing to assist me with this? You must know people I can interview or speak with,” I said.

            “Yes, yes, I help. If you please tell story to my family about temple,” she negotiated.

            “I would love to,” I replied heartily.

 

            After Mimi and I had left the teahouse, we exchanged numbers and planned to meet up in a few days. I watched her drive away, and her tires kicked up a cloud of gravel. As I turned around and headed to the train station nearby, I became supremely delighted at the thought of a warm shower back at the hotel. My ponytail was unkempt, my t-shirt was sweaty, and my boots were caked with mud. I thought to myself how dirty I felt on the outside, yet how unbelievably pure and refreshed I felt inside. While I was still working on collecting my thoughts about Kai Mukti Temple and Sarnath, my mind had an overall tranquility only made possible through such a cathartic experience.

            As the train rolled past, a whoosh of chill air kissed my hot skin. I looked back one more time at Shuxing Mountain in the distance, feeling thankful and optimistic about my future. I boarded the train, took off my rucksack, and lay my head against the window. My body was sore, my feet were tired, my mind was dilated, and my heart so profoundly full. As we chugged out of the station, I closed my eyes to meditate, and Sarnath’s joyful face manifested.

            “Khob khun ka,” I said.