An E-Portfolio

           I believe that life is indicative.           

There are signs put forth in not only big experiences (both tragic and joyful), but the little things too. Everything is meant to test our mental and emotional faith, strength, and stamina. There have been multiple times in my life that I have gone through the ebb and flow of the psyche. There were the once-in-a-lifetime happy occurrences: traveling to Europe with my best friends, taking a family vacation to Arkansas, having my dad being able to see me graduate high school, meeting a boyfriend of four years, and hang-gliding in Key West. Those among more left my spirit soaring - flying way above cloud 9. Then there were more grave happenings: putting down my beloved dogs, seeing my grandma's grand mal seizure, witnessing a best friend’s drug overdose, totaling my dream car, and reciting a poem at my dad’s funeral. These resulted in my spirit sinking low into the depths of a dark and spiraling depression. Lastly, there were the little things in life that I did religiously: celebrating Halloween at Grandma's and New Years at Uncle Pete's, visiting NYC every Christmas with my parents, hunting for Easter baskets, playing Barbies with Kaitlyn and Kristen (my childhood best friends), having "dad and daughter days" at Steak N Shake, and going to Halloween Horror Nights and concerts with my boyfriend of the time. These were the things that left my spirit satisfied, strong, and faithful in life and love. Ever since I was old enough to know what a "sign" was and how to recognize them, I have been trying to put together the puzzle pieces of my existence. I truly believe that all of the things listed above were meaningful and had reasons for happening the way that they did, in addition to somehow being intertwined. 

 

            An example: my dad and I always used to go to Steak N Shake for our "dad and daughter days", which were special days we had every Saturday together just the two of us. The summer after he passed away, I got a job there through a reference of a random acquaintance who worked at the restaurant and also happened to know my dad; I have been working as a waitress and service trainer there ever since - it will be my 5 year anniversary this summer.

            Another example: I went on a solo vacation to Key West to reset my mind during the Christmas break of 2014. When I was checking into the hotel, I saw a pamphlet advertising hang-gliding for an incredibly low price. I researched it, made a reservation, and a few days later found myself on a dock with a young couple waiting to be picked up by the boat, which is what this particular hang-glider took off from. A middle-aged man in a rash guard approached. He had fair but deeply sunkissed skin, light sandy beach hair, deep blue eyes, and an aura that exuded pure carefreeness and a wild thirst for life. He strolled toward us and introduced himself as Eric, and immediately my brain went into major alert mode: not only did this man look and act extremely similar to my dad, with his light-complexioned features and insouciant mannerisms, but he had the same name! The reason I had gone to the Keys was to ease myself of the depression I suffered from as a result of my dad's death, and the reason I had decided to go hang-gliding was because my dad would’ve absolutely loved to do something like that. I knew that I had made the right decision in going from the very moment Eric had stated his name. After flying around in the sky with Eric for a little while, we landed the hang-glider, got back on the boat, and docked. I called my mom to share my elation, and she was expressing her excitement when she brought to my attention that that particular day was actually the one-year anniversary of my father’s funeral. I got chills at that moment, reflecting upon the coincidences that happened so far that day. I decided to tell Eric about it, who was totally in awe and inspired by my story, and he invited me to go for a sunset paddleboard at no extra cost. I was so ecstatic, as it was something I had always wanted to do. It was literally the perfect end to an already perfect day.

           

            I could just feel my dad watching over me and making a day that I would normally be very depressed on a day that made incomparable memories. Days like that prove to me that signs are there, and things do happen for a reason, it’s just up to us to make the reason positive or negative. Just like everybody else, both bad and good things have happened over the course of my life. Through them all, though, there have been beautiful kismets that remind me how sui generis life is. It's ok for faith, strength, and stamina to falter - feeling and knowing the pain is what makes us human. But the difference between a happy life and sad life is reminding yourself that in the end, everything will be okay again.

 

 

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